This morning 34 year old Canadian born Felicia Boots accused of killing her ten week old son and fourteen month old daughter will appear via videolink at The Old Bailey. The story of Felicia has haunted me no end, not least because I can't stop thinking about how a well to do, successful young mother could have allegedly killed her own babies.
I can't help but see a part of Felicia in myself, or any other mother for that fact; drawing similarities between her ordinary, middle class lifestyle with that of many others in almost the same situation - educated and qualified, talented thirty-something-year-olds whose lifestyle has taken a sudden turn from the usual fast-paced life of the city, to housewife and mother. These women are perfectionists, they do not know failure.
What perplexes me is how this Wandsworth-based mother ended up at a place of no return, all because she had no-one to confide in and no place to release her pent up frustration. Mothers tend to forget their time, and it is amazing that although women go through so much pain during childbirth the second the baby is born our minds somehow block the pain, and as happy hormones flood our system, we hold our babies in our arms and forget all the hard work and anguish we felt just minutes ago. Indeed, newborns come into our lives like tiny bundles of joy, but they also bring with them all sorts of frustrating problems, breastfeeding, colic, cradle cap, to name but a few. That along with an inquisitive toddler, the most depressing weather we have seen for years, a husband who probably didn't get much more than two weeks paternity leave from his grueling city job, and moving house with a newborn; Felicia's situation seems like a recipe for disaster.
As the mother of a newborn who is probably the same age as her newborn son, Mason, I can completely understand the physical exhaustion and mental turmoil Felicia must have felt. I am not condoning what she did, but I am saying that one could empathise with her situation. I remember when my eldest daughter was fourteen months, those were great times, but we also went through weaning, teething, teaching our baby how to walk and how to speak, and basically her getting up to all sorts of mischief! It was hard work. I can't begin to imagine what I would have done if I had a young baby who was completely reliant on me during that time.
I have read numerous articles and been on chat rooms where people have demonised this woman in a very crude way. my question is why are women so afraid to talk about postnatal depression and postnatal psychosis? You'd think that in this day and age it would be easy to talk about such issues with mothers, but from personal experience I can certainly say that other mothers can actually be your worst enemies, making you feel worse than you did before you even brought up the subject. You feel ashamed; you feel guilty. It is saddening to think that Felicia felt such abandonment and despair in a split second that it provoked her to attack her own children and then attempt to take her own life.
Most women will go through the baby blues at some point or another, it might be mild, lasting only a few days, or it could linger on for weeks, months, or even a few years. The important thing is to recognise it and to say yes, it does exist. Postnatal depression is not our enemy, it is a part of us, we are human and we have to deal with it - as a community. What can we do to stop something like this happening again? We must not blame our 'services' for allowing this to slip through the net. Of course it is easy to slip through the system; social services cannot be blamed for everything - especially if the couple had recently moved home and were between GPs. What we must instead do is create an environment that is conducive to new and second, or third time mothers; encouraging each other to be open and talk. We have a duty as fellow mothers, sisters, daughters, friends to be there for those who have just been through the joy and ordeal of having given birth - by reaching out and listening.
There are a number of support groups and organisations in the UK who deal with women suffering from postnatal depression and psychosis. Please contact someone if you need to talk.
MIND - www.mind.org.uk
Post Natal Illness - www.pni.org.uk
The Association for Postnatal Illness - www.apni.org
My thoughts and prayers go to all the people involved in this tragic ordeal, but especially the two survivors who will forever be haunted; Felicia and Jeffery Boots. RIP Lily and Mason xx
**UPDATE 12:00pm**
Following a short hearing this morning, Felicia Boots will be sectioned under the Mental Health Act later today and transferred from Holloway Prison to a psychiatric hospital. She will be remanded until her next hearing on 10 August 2012.
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